Currently, me and my wife is attending a bi-monthly seminar on “Fireproofing Your Marriage”. So far, we are really enjoying discussing things about marital relationship within the couple’s group of our Church. Each partner in the group is also trying to work on our daily task, “The Love Dare”.
Today’s reading is a very useful tool in resolving marital conflicts. I believe each couple should try to take note of this post since this has been a great treasure in most successful marriages. And I do agree to what the author says about marital conflicts and problems. I quote this post from “The Love Dare” book by Kendrick.
The post is all about the boundaries in dealing with conflicts. Before I forget, I suggest that you print this post or at least bookmark this page so that you will be able to go back here if in case you will be needing this post in the future.
The “We” and “Me” Boundaries Of Marital Problems and Conflicts
Basically, there are two types of boundaries for dealing with conflict: “we” boundaries and “me” boundaries.
“We” boundaries are rules you both agree on beforehand, rules that apply during any fight or altercation. And each of you has the right to gently but directly enforce them if these rules are violated. These could include:
- We will never mention divorce.
- We will not bring up old, unrelated items from the past.
- We will never fight in public or in front of our children.
- We will call a “time out” if conflict escalates to a damaging level.
- We will never touch one another in a harmful way.
- We will never go to bed angry with one another.
- Failure is not an option. Whatever it takes, we will work this out.
“Me” boundaries are rules you personally practice on your own. Here are some of the most effective examples:
- I will listen first before speaking. “Everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger.” (James 1:19)
- I will deal with my own issues up-front. “Why do you look at the speck that is in your brother’s eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own eye?” (Matthew 7:3)
- I will speak gently and keep my voice down. “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.” (Proverbs 15:1)
Fighting fair means changing your weapons. Disagreeing with dignity. It should result in building a bridge instead of burning one down. Remember, love is not a fight, but it is always worth fighting for.
Did you learn something from the article above? Sometimes, facing conflict with our spouse is never easy and usually forces us to show anger, wrath and uncontrolled attitude.
Why Not Fireproof Your Marriage Now?
“Being fireproof doesn’t mean that it won’t get a fire. It simply means it can stand the fire whenever it has it.” The same thing is very true in our marriages. There are times in our marriages where it is on fire. There is a threat of losing it.
One of the main problems of many couple today is that they don’t know how to fireproof their marriages. Conflicts and problems are pretty normal in marriages. It only depends on how we deal with it.
As you have learned something from the above post, I strongly suggest that you continue fireproofing your marriages, finding solutions to your problems, and most of all, keeping your love on your spouse alive and active.
Therefore, I challenge you to do “The Love Dare”. The Love Dare covers a 40 day period of daily tasks. Some of the tasks is a little harder especially if you have marital problems with your spouse. But that’s the main idea, to resolve your marital conflict in a Biblical and Christian way.
The tasks are very specific and clear. All you have to do is to follow it, and do it. After 40 days, let’s see what it has done to your marriage.
I am currently doing it right now. And I believe it is working a lot. I am not in conflict with my wife, both of us is simply fireproofing our marriage. Believe me, this do lots of things even in our own marriage. How much more to you.
I strongly suggest that you get these books:
|The Love Dare
By Stephen Kendrick & Alex Kendrick / B & H Publishing Group
The Love Dare, featured in the new movie Fireproof starring Kirk Cameron, is a forty-day guided devotional experience that will lead your heart back to truly loving your spouse while learning more about the design, nature, and source of true love. Too many marriages end when someone says “I don’t love you anymore.” The Love Dare discusses how such a statement reveals a lack of understanding about the fundamental nature of true love. Each reading includes Scripture, a statement of principle, the day’s “dare,” and a journaling area and check box to chart progress. Dare to take The Love Dare, and see your marriage change forever. Paperback. Focus on the Family recommendation.
Believe me, it’s not only fun to follow the Love Dare of the day, it is also very rewarding. Just do it by heart and not just because you are under discipleship class.
The next book is “The Love Dare Bible Study”. This material summarizes all that you will be learning from the devotional book “Love Dare”. However, this is more like a tool in understanding love all the more in godly perspective.
|The Love Dare Bible Study, Member Book
By Michael Catt, Stephen Kendrick, Alex Kendrick / Lifeway
The Love Dare Bible Study Member Book creates a marriage-centered Bible study experience for individuals and couples. Eight small-group sessions are based around one or more movie clips from the motion picture FIREPROOF and connect couples to The Love Dare both during the session and throughout the week. It utilizes activities that create community, provide opportunities to dialog about real life in real marriage, explore and apply God’s Word, and invite participants into a risky but redemptive journey.
These books are not too expensive. And I believe it’s really worth every penny. If you are also conducting a small group, why not buy the whole kit and start teaching the couple’s group of your church.
May I also suggest that you watch the movie “Fireproof”?
To see more on this materials, CLICK HERE!!!